Remember Santa smokes unfiltered Lucky Strikes™ so instead of leaving the usual cookies and milk under the tree leave him a pack of smooth Luckies™ - “It’s Toasted”.
They’re easier on his throat.
It’ll boost you’re gift return by 17% guaranteed.
Been busy with my last bit of Christmas shoplifting. Nothing says Happy Holidays like a gift nicked from an unlocked car. Who cares if it’s a dress and the recipient is a man, it’s the thought that counts. That you took the time to steal him something says it all.
People can be so picky.
Just be glad that I didn’t try to make you something. If it didn’t come from a store with a real designer label sewn in, then you just don’t care about that person. No one likes homemade gifts.
Unh uh, no way.
It gets tossed right into the trash or sent to the orphanage. If it’s a tacky holiday sweater then I try to cut it into small workable pieces for the elderly to stitch up into quilts or throw pillows. Nursing homes are in need and are in short supply of good quality fabric squares. Usually I throw holiday sweaters prominently on top of my Christmas garbage pile in front of my house as a warning. 
I’m trying to be frugal this year and recycle. I’m re-gifting. I’m sending back all the unwanted doodads, whatnots and bric-n-brac to the original senders along with their last years Christmas card and their names scratched out.
I know times are tough and money might be scarce but struggle to save Christmas and spend money that you don’t have on people that you don’t like. Tradition must be upheld. At least spend the day hiding under cars in parking lots of the shopping malls. When shoppers return with armloads of Christmas goodies, reach out and slice their Achilles tendons. They fall to the ground and drop their presents at the same time.
You’ll make out like a bandit.
Then there are those that say, “We’ll have plenty of Christmas cheer just as long as you are here...your love is all the Christmas that I need”.
Yeah right!
Tell that to the Jews who expect plenty of Christmas presents underneath the tree...Here’s little Suzannah to sing about Christmas shoplifting.
So my friends I bet you have been wondering where I have been for the past week?
No?
Well fuck off then!
I have been trapped in 1980 something.
Going through endless video tapes that I made way back when and some that I’m uploading to the You Tubes.
Like the Serendipity Singers.
Enjoy.
